She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
