Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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