I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
