its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
