I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
