What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
