just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
