i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
be right there i have to get my cape
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
