your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize