I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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