Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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