Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
