It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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