Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
