So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
