You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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