none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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