In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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