Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
