So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
