My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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