Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
