You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
