i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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