She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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