dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
