best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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