You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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