cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
