not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
