remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
