I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize