We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
