u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Buhtt sex?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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