Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
