I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
