dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
