U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
