you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
