some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
