listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
