Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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