I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
