like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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