Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The beer is more important than you right now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
