Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
