I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
