I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize