wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize