no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
