Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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