We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
