why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
