Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
