I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
