Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All the doctor said was why
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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