I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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