TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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