I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
