I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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