Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
