i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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