remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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