it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
