bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize