Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
