He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
