I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
