so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize