Don't you send me to vm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
