Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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