What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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